I haven’t crie this hard in so long
How the fuck can this go anywhere if we never. have. any. time.
Maybe it’s better if I was with no one.
The reason that it hurts when you talk about any other guy like that is cause it automatically strikes my insecurities. Given that I already don’t feel good enough for you, it sucks knowing just another reason why. There’s no worse feeling than not having the things you desire, and that that thing is something which I’ve always wished I had. I have you, that’s great. But sometimes I wish you would feel the same way I feel about you. Honestly, I know I’m overthinking it and I know that. It’s just how I feel though. I just don’t feel good enough.. ever.
I’m fucking sick of apologizing for shit that’s not even my fault. Honestly, I put the blame on myself for everything just so the other person will feel okay. Constantly thinking about others and putting them before me in all aspects, and it comes back to bite me in the ass. What are the fucking benefits of being a good person.
I don’t deserve any of this shit. I really don’t. But I’ll keep taking it in the hopes that one day I’ll receive more than just compliments on how “understanding I am” and maybe get hit with some good karma. And maybe things will go my way for once. For just fucking once, maybe something in my life will turn out for the better.
I fucking hate ending a night on bad terms with someone. Fuck trying to be the best person you can be, somehow it’s never good enough in some way or the other. Or at least it’s starting to always feel like that. And all these other people can get away with bullshit. I really don’t deserve this. Watch me forget about it tomorrow, but it needs to stay engraved into my mind that being a good person only takes you so far until some people, good or bad, tend to tear it down for God knows what reason.